reason to believe

there's nothing left to feed on.
My body needs a reason to cross that line.
Will you carry me there one more time?

- reason to believe, dashboard confessional
dusk and summer

wish.

they said be careful what you wish for, it just might come true. this year, i wished for a quiet, peaceful Christmas. devoid of all the drama that filled last year’s Christmas and devoid of all the surprises and joy of the years before that.

i wished for a quiet, peaceful Christmas. maybe i should have wished for a quiet Christmas with a little nice surprise and a little love instead. in fact, it was so quiet and uneventful, it left me shocked, dumbfounded and wondering. what the hell happened? nothing. which was what i wished for.

i guess i secretly wanted something to happen. something nice. something small.

if he took my hand and held it for like 5 seconds, i would be the happiest 28 year old kid.

but he didn’t. and i am left wondering, confused and sad... so sad that i am tempted to throw everything away... do i want to? i don't know. but i'm willing to do anything just to stop feeling this way.

so why don't i?