tears

It has been brought to my attention that lately, I’ve been letting everyone down. My friends, my loved ones, my family, my house, my pets, my plants… my health, my self… I’ve let them all down in one way or another. And it seems that the only part of my life I haven’t failed lately is my work.

Heck, I even failed my date last Saturday. After letting the poor guy pay 3000 for dinner, I didn’t even have the courtesy to come up with a good excuse not to see a movie after dinner which I initially agreed to anyway. Instead, I begged off, because I was just so tired and I just wanted to go home and sleep.

This isn’t like me at all. I stay true to my words… I am reliable. My friends and family have always been able to rely on me. Now I’m just someone who doesn’t show up, who doesn’t return phone calls and in the rare instances that I do show up, i arrive at the last possible minute, when everyone’s ready to leave.

June suddenly isn’t that far away and I have to decide and prepare and leave. I can’t do this. How can you just walk away from everything that you love? Maybe I should ask X…. he did a pretty good job, walking away from our life, never looking back. I wish I could be like that. Cold. Heartless.

This can’t go on. I don’t like myself like this. This has to stop. Something has to change. I know that. I know. I know all these will catch up on me sooner or later…

God, I’m crying out for help.
Can’t you hear?