dandelions and high speed internet

over the past year i've gathered a stack of unread and unopened books in my apartment. my cleaning lady kept them in a huge box (i asked her to start packing my stuff months ago when i thought i was moving out). anyway, i open that box almost everyday but i never got to open a book until last night.

before i left for dinner, i knew i shouldn't have disconnected the internet. i was late paying the bill last month and i forgot to pay them this month. when i got home, ready and raging to play my facebook games (specifically sorority life and farmville), i couldn't connect. the bastards took my internet connection and i was left with no choice but to look for something to read.

some nice things spring out of seemingly unfortunate events. i took out some magazines, quickly got bored and finally opened Farewell Summer by Ray Bradbury. I wasn't through with the first paragraph and i was immediately brought back to the Spaulding kid's summer. it's still so clear in my mind how i imagined the kid sitting at the front porch with his grandfather on a hot summer afternoon when i was first introduced to Bradbury. Dandelion Wine started a romance that went on for around nine years, i think... i'm not sure. but i remember lying in my bedroom at my grandma's house, reading Dandelion Wine, all giddy and happy and sweaty.

i miss reading books. i miss reading Bradbury books. i miss reading his prose. i miss being taken to wherever he wants to take me. i miss tasting and smelling and feeling whatever it is he wanted me to taste, smell and feel.

but i also missed my facebook games. and twitter. so first thing i did this morning was go to the mall to get free wifi, harvest my crops and organize events for my sorority sisters. i also looked at new internetproviders and dropped by the bookstore.

i bought 3 books and got a really good discount. it's like i got one free. I got "A year in high Heels" and "How to Walk in High Heels" by Camilla Morton and "Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me" by Lucia Van Der Post. I vaguely remember reading about these books from the magazine i was browsing last night. With the new environment I am moving in right now, with the grown up job and all (haha :)), i figured i needed to learn a thing or two about grace and not act and dress like a kid who just got out of college...

eager to read my new books, i sprinted out of the bookstore.

i decided to ditch what i thought was my super fast wired broadband connection and got a SWB. I don't regret it for one second. it's almost a half cheaper than my old subscription and twice as fast. sometimes, you really get lucky. i was so set on getting GTW, but when i got there, ready to pay for the kit... the lady bluntly said that their signal in my area is really week.

AAAAND... another provider has amazing signal in my area. just really amazing. i was tempted to ask her which one it was... but that may seem a bit rude (and her manager was staring at us). she was nice enough to be honest about the lousy signal, it would be asking to much if i asked her to specify which of their competitors would give me this really amazing service.

so i sprinted out of their store.

there were only two other providers, i wasn't getting specific answers from the second provider. When i asked her if the signal is strong in my area, she answered, "yeah, the signal is strong everywhere... we've sold a lot of kits today. a lot of people signed up"... i wasn't convinced that that was the one.

so i sprinted out of their store.

the third provider was specific. "we have strong signal in your area. we have a lot of customers from that subdivision. Mr. ChopChop from something street is a subscriber, is he your neighbor?"

well, Mr ChopChop is not my neighbor and i don't know who he is, but i was sold... i paid for my kit and just as i was leaving the store... i heard my sales guy say to another customer, "we have strong signal in your area. we have a lot of customers from that subdivision. Ms. BlahBlah from somewhere street is a subscriber, do you know her?"

i smiled and sprinted out of their store. amused and hopeful.

tangled up in blue

I should never be let loose inside a bookstore these days. I end up buying books I’m not going to be able to read in a year AND spending money I no longer have. And yet I keep adding to the stack of unread books lying in my apartment.



Among other books, I bought Ray Bradbury’s sequel to Dandelion Wine, Farewell Summer and Annie Proulx’s Bad Dirt. I just couldn’t resist it. Anyway, some of the books were on sale. That’s really not an excuse, I know.



And it just occurred to me that even after I’ve gone on several book-shopping sprees, I still haven’t bought that Charlie Brown/Snoopy book I’ve wanted for a long time. Crap.





I think I should stop listening to Dylan for awhile. Tascha is starting to think her dad mumbles a lot and is kicking ass with the harmonica.



She is leaving on Monday. I am pretty sure she’ll be loved and cared for in her new home. I’ve started to prepare her stuff (records, papers, etc) and it’s so sad…



I bought this for tascha back when I was going to build her a dog house and a play ground downstairs. The dog looked so much like her.













Ah tascha… the little happiness I couldn’t keep.







NP: tangled up in blue : bob Dylan

"And I was standin' on the side of the road

Rain fallin' on my shoes

Heading out for the East Coast

Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through,

Tangled up in blue."

around the bend

My mind is a mangled mess. And whatever decisions I have to make… I’m just not. How are you supposed to decide on the thing that gives you so much joy yet brings you so much pain?

The weather has been drab the past few days and now I am under it.

It’s been so stressful here at the apartment the past few days that I had to go out just to breathe and think. and if I can’t be comfortable in my own home then there’s really not much left for me. I used to be able to take refuge in my little apartment. and if I want fresh air, I would just go outside and walk until I reach that park in front of the church. I would always end up there, sitting on the last pew, silently praying, sometimes, even crying for help. But all that’s gone now.

Anyway, I tried to relieve the stress by shopping for a pair of shoes. I made a little rule though. I can only buy a sensible pair. One that I can wear to work. (meaning I can wear them for about 8 hours) One that I can actually walk in. (meaning, no stilettos, no heels more than 2 inches). One that goes with my clothes (no purple, bright red or apple green pairs).

So I bought a book instead. Sensible shoes are mostly ugly. Who wants to buy ugly shoes?

I bought “Unless” by Carol Shields, the Pulitzer Prize winning author of The Stone Diaries. I don’t know why I bought the book. I haven’t heard of Carol Shields or her books before. But I am guessing that this will be a good read based on the reviews. and I just needed to buy something anyway.

With the number of books I currently have on queue, It’ll probably be a year before I get to read this.

I am stalling. I know. Crap. Not even Castro or Dylan can alleviate me from this dilemma. Again… what the hell have I gotten myself into?!

NP: Around the Bend : Pearl Jam
“off you dream, my little child
there's a sun around the bend
all the evenings close like this
all these moments that i've missed
please forgive me, won't you, dear?
please forgive and let me share...
with you around the bend”