a set of two notes...

Dyad
~ dongabay

1
sa puso at damdamin hindi ka maglalaho
lagi kang iisipin kahit nasa malayo
wag sanang kalimutan kapag ako'y wala na
na nagkasama minsan sa hirap at ginhawa

2
ako ay nangangarap na lagi kang makita
alam ko na mahirap mag-antay ng pag-asa
makinig ka sana sa sasabihin ko
ikaw ang alaala na maganda ang mundo

chorus
para para para para para para sa iyo itong kantang ito
sana sana sana sana sana sana makarating pa ako sa iyo

para para para para para sa iyo

3
ako ay nangangarap na lagi kang makita
alam ko na mahirap mag-antay ng pag-asa
makinig ka sana sa sasabihin ko
ikaw ang alaala na masaya ang mundo

castles, fairies and tales...

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away. ~ grey's anatomy

i'm already there.

within and without
sooner or later the ending begins
just then it can be said that all things are new again
within and without
sooner or later every season ends
then forever it can be said that all things are new again.
~ the wallflowers
all things new again


until when does he think i’ll actually wait in the dark for answers?

how many more times does he think the invitations have to be turned down before i decide that it’s enough? that i have had enough?

does he think i still have a lot to give? does he think i still have a lot inside me? i am clinging on a thin rope. running on almost nothing.

i’m afraid…
i think…
i’m done here.
over.
and out.

finally.

the beautiful side of somewhere

~ the wallflowers

Now tomorrow is gonna make you cry
It's gonna make you kneel
Before it breaks you from inside
Still pressing on arm over arm
Still trying to get both feet back onto the ground
They are harvesting these fields in autumn
We're different now than when we started

I am ready to wake up
There in the exodus
On the beautiful side of somewhere baby

There on the pavement underneath the yellow moon
I think of you and just how easily we bruise
The folded address in my pocket I have stuffed
Trying to believe for you that the bottom didn't drop
I am on the platform covered with dust
I pray they take the both of us

I am ready to wake up
There in the exodus
On the beautiful side of somewhere baby

I am ready to come down
To see us both somehow
On the beautiful side of somewhere someday

Well I am lightning matches for the rescue
Some are candles some are fuses
I've been on my best behavior
Switching over every breaker
As we're going through these laws of nature
Disregarding every acre
I'm lying in my Sunday best
Assuming this was not a test

I am ready to wake up
There in the exodus
On the beautiful side of somewhere baby

I am ready to come down
To see us both somehow
On the beautiful side of somewhere someday

shuttered and dank

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”

~ buffy the vampire slayer

botany and my black wedding gown

i’m not saying that i didn’t miss x at all. in fact, i did. but i was fine. i think one part of me thinks i am better off without him. because without him, i can move on. and i know i can do this. i can just leave everything and i'll be fine. i can look at my future and live my life now without conveniently making room for him and awaiting his return. i think i should know by now that i’m not part of his future plans, hence, he doesn’t plan to come back anytime soon. so i should just walk away. that’s the smartest thing to do.

but see, he never makes plans. that’s just how he is. he doesn’t make plans.

yesterday, i tended to my new garden. actually, only one plant survived the move. it was, of course, my forget me not. now i feel bad. see, if i didn’t leave the other one, there’s a good chance it’ll still be alive.

one part of me thinks that maybe if i don’t leave, what little we have will thrive. and stay alive.

one part asks me if i want something that’s alive, but is barely getting by.

well, at least it’s still there.

what will you do with something that’s there, but doesn’t work?

if i stay, there’s a chance it’ll flourish and bloom into something.

i eradicate that chance if i leave. but i also allow something else to thrive, something potentially more beautiful, more worthwhile.

the other night, i dreamt that it was the morning of my wedding day. i was at the empty church, my shoes made a clucking noise as i walked through the shinny wooden floor. and i realized that this is my wedding day. this afternoon, i’ll be married to a guy who’s name and face i can’t remember and all i could think about is how to make things ok with X.

then i panicked, cried histerically, complained about everything, threw a hissy fit and scampered for excuses not to push through with the wedding. i couldn’t go through with it.

i can’t let that happen. at least, not for now.

sacred rain

the water works hasn’t come yet.

where are you, my only comfort amidst all things unsaid, undone and unanswered?

if you need anything

you know where to find me.

on the mend
`foo fighters

One more day that I've survived
Another night alone
Pay no mind I'm doing fine
I'm breathing on my own

I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend

Wake me when the hour arrives
Wake me with my name
See you somewhere down the line
We're tethered once again

I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Who said hello
Here we go
Close your eyes and stay a while
But take me where you go
Single file we walk the mile wandering back home

I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend
I'm here
And I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you?
Who said hello
Here we go...