bucket of smiles

NP: Simple Kind Of Life : Gwen Stefani

Geeze. This song is like the OST of my life. “simple kind of girl, simple kind of life.”

Ok. Ok. Ok. I have to clean up my act. It is absolutely necessary to clean up my act and rise above the mess that has become my life nowadays. How did I manage to come to the conclusion that my life is a mess? Let me count the ways:

I haven’t picked up the laundry from the cleaners for more than a week. Which consequently follows # 2
I have no more clothes to wear to work and I am harboring more than a week’s work of dirty laundry.
I have dirty dishes almost a week old rotting in my sink.
there’s a nasty clog in my kitchen sink.
I have no more gas for my stove.
bentot (my turtle) is sad and alone and is swimming in his own mold.
I haven’t cleaned my dresser since I left for HK a month ago.
I haven’t been to the gym for almost two weeks.
I haven’t opened my organizer for weeks.
I guess it goes without saying that my apartment is in urgent need of cleaning.
I have used tissues, lotion bottles, jackets on my bed.
My paintings are in disarray.

I’m not sure where this downfall started. I think it started when I got sick then lost my wits for a dreadlocked bucket of smiles with dreamy blue eyes. My schedule went from full to impossible. I can’t go out Wednesday and Thursday nights. And also on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Which leaves me with only Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays to see my friends, work out 3x a week, clean my apartment and run errands. Pretty tight schedule huh?

I will stop watching AI when castro gets eliminated. And I am hoping against hope it won’t be soon. His AI performance every week is the highlight of my pathetic little life. And so far, after that “hallelujah” stint, I have been disappointed. Disappointed that the next two performances paled in comparison to that one and disappointed that, imho, he failed to choose the right Beatles songs to showcase his potential. Heck, I’m guessing even he doesn’t know the extent of his potential. But I’m hoping (and I bet so does his battalion of fans) this will soon be apparent before it’s too late and he gets axed from the show.

The thing about this kid (and I know I am not alone in this) is that no matter how bland or awkward the song turns out, he still manages to make me smile and laugh and just feel good. Amused. Giddy. Light-hearted. Flustered.

This is uncanny.

Ok, I may have been a bit harsh on him with the Beatles songs because I am a big Beatles fan and I had illusions of grandeur for when he sings one of my favorite Beatles song… like say, “you’ve got to hide your love away” or “while my guitar gently weeps” or “Eleanor Rigby” or “across the universe”… I guess I expected too much from a goofy but undeniably sweet 20 year old guy.

Ah, story of my life. Argh.

Before I go further into this castro fixation and get really creepy, let me go back to what I was saying… wait what was that?

Ahh… getting back on track. Yup. Tomorrow I clean up my act and get it together. Because honestly, I HAVE to get it together SO badly. I can’t let myself go on a downward spiral once again.

NP: Sweetest Goodbye : Maroon 5

he of dreamy blue eyes and wild dreadlocks

NP: what a day for a daydream : jason castro


see, I don’t know where to start this. I haven’t been particularly busy since my last post. In fact, I had quite a breezy time at work except for the week I got sick again. Anyway… there’s this thing, this embarrassing thing that went out of control... let’s just call him castro. Because that’s his last name. (I am stalling here, if you hadn’t noticed).

Thing is, I am pretty much exerting all my energy to keep from sounding like a fangirl tween bawling over a reality show guy. So… let me just say this, before I lose control and go crazy with the tween ramblings, watching castro at AI (whether he performs well or not) is the highlight of my pathetic, hum drum week.

I better end this post now and go back to viewing my downloaded castro what not’s.

Rats. I’m smiling from ear to ear. Damn you, castro.

NP: if i fell : jason castro

sail to the moon

It’s a struggle just to get up and drag myself to the office. Damn. Jump before the boat goes under? Or stay on board till the end and pray that you find a treasure at the bottom? I can’t do this anymore. Fuck.

where it began...

In God's Hands
~ Nelly Furtado : Loose

I looked at your face
I saw that all the love had died
I saw that we had forgotten to take the time

I, I saw that you couldn’t care less about what you do
You couldn’t care less about the lies
You couldn’t find the time to cry

We forgot about love
We forgot about faith
We forgot about trust
We forgot about us

And now our loves floating out the window
Our loves floating out the back door
Our loves floating up in the sky
In heaven where it began
Back in God’s hands

You said that you had said all that you had to say
You said baby it’s the end of the day

We gave a lot
But it wasn’t enough
We got so tired
Like we just gave up

Now our loves floating out the window
Our loves floating out the back door
Our loves floating up in the sky
In heaven where it began
Back in God’s hands
Back in God’s hands

We didn’t respect it
We went on neglected
We didn’t deserve it
But I never expected this

Our loves floated out the window
Our loves floated out the back door
Our loves floated up in the sky
To heaven it’s part of the plan
It’s back in God’s hands
Back in God’s hands

Oh, It didn’t last
It’s a thing of the past
No, I didn’t understand
Oh, Just what we had
Oh, I want it back
Just what we had
I want it back
Oh, just what we had

I didn’t really have much choice in the formatting and uploading process of my new iPod. It was pretty much X’s call. And as a result, I was, in a way, encouraged (I hate to say forced) to listen to songs I wouldn’t normally listen to… the likes of morissey, green day and even Eminem. But yesterday, I stumbled upon nelly furtado’s album, loose. And there’s this amazing song… “in God’s hands”. The melody doesn’t exactly break ground but the easy melody and beautiful lyrics make the song so… right.

i want it back.
just what we had.

this boat is sinking!

During our stay in HK, we didn’t really have much of a choice but to attend a service since we were staying at their “church”. It was a pleasant experience, really. My aunt’s friends treated us out to dimsum before the service. The pastor was late, but it was worth it. He was funny and real and above all, he knew his flock. He knew what their wants and pains are. He was really a breath of fresh air… or maybe any pastor or priest would be a breath of fresh air for me. I haven’t gone to church in a long long time. There are struggles and questions and discomforts that i have still have to settle within myself. That whole thing is another topic altogether that might take days, even months to finish.

Anyway, there was a portion in the service where you pair up with someone and you talk and “share”. Basically, what i remember is that my partner asked me what i wanted to pray for. My mind raced for things i ought to pray for… like maybe my obscure relationship with X, or my imminent unemployment… not that i can survive without a job or that the thing with X is going well… but those things just seemed unimportant and small at that time… I prayed for my dad. It was totally unexpected. I asked that God watch over him and take care of him because he is far away and old and alone.

Now the food there is amazing. The dimsum, the siopao, the stir fry, the roast – Amazing! Damn. I’ve never had siopao that good.

everyday, it gets harder and harder to go to work. it gets more difficult to drag myself out of bed and go to this hell hole. i'm only here coz i need to stay. because i can't look for new job just yet. but once i can do that, i'll get the hell out of here. nevermind if i will get some sort of compensation when the account finally closes down. i just really want to get out. it's emotionally draining and tiring. one thing i learned about this, i don't have to be a hero. never wait till the boat has sunk. jump while you can.

bottom of the floor, top of the world

Office
NP: Bottom of the Floor : Dishwalla

I didn’t get to play the Sims last night. I was surprisingly tired and sleepy so I just went to bed. I wasn’t able to make it to my 6am shift because I thought I’ll be able to catch the AM water delivery but I didn’t. argh. Some days just don’t turn up the way you expect them to. Though luck. I meant to meet up with rej so I can give her the piyao she’s been bugging me about. My best friend, R, all of a sudden just turned into a Chinese “charm” nut. Pardon me for the ignorance. I really don’t know what else to call it. Hehehe. Anyway… it turns out she can’t make it tonight and I can tell that she’s not in the mood for much so it’s not going to push through.

I planned to go to the gym today but I can’t coz I need new contacts and I have to get a fan and a mouse for my pretty little notebook PC. There’s just so much to do these days. It’s crazy. But I have to take it one day at a time. I have to remember that I can’t do everything at once. Allocation is key. Hehehe. I’ve done all I can do at work today. So I’m doing this and some other organization in my PC. All the files are screwed up so I still have a lot of work to do. This is bound to get easier once I get a new mouse.

Back to what I was trying to say yesterday…

Darn I think I lost what I was going to say. I was so rudely interrupted by this meeting with our human resources manager about our impending unemployment. Where was I?

Oh, HK. I really love traveling. Not only do you see new things, new places, but you see new people as well. When you talk to them, when you interact with them, you learn something new… What I like most is that you get to immerse yourself in their culture. And somehow, you kinda experience what it’s like to live their life a little bit. Like when you walk the streets at night and do a little shopping, when you eat at their restaurants and taste their food, when you go to their temples and observe while they worship and pray. Or even when you do something as simple as speaking a little bit of their language or riding their train…

I loved going to the Big Buddha. The first thing I thought of when I saw the giant Buddha was my angkong (grandfather). He was a Buddhist and he tried to preserve his faith for as long as he could. Even in his last moments, he refused to be baptized as a catholic, which I really respected. There’s a lot to be said about a man who has such strong beliefs over a faith he hasn’t had the chance to practice for over 60 years or so. As I got closer to Buddha, I asked how my angkong is doing… and wished that he’s fine. I bought the Buddha painting because it reminds me of angkong. Being there in Hk, being in a real temple brought me closer to angkong. I wish I’d gone there with him. He probably had so many things to show us. So many things to teach us.
One of the things I learned about the people there is that they are kind, helpful and very respectful. Although they aren’t as warm as pinoys, they are definitely more respectful and helpful. I will marry a good Chinese guy anytime. Hehehe.

Disneyland was a blast. It was just such a happy place. Every kid wants to go to Disneyland… and the kid in me was just overwhelmed with joy. My brother and I were both beaming and smiling like little kids after the parade. My brother, who rarely speaks about his happiness, suddenly blurted out that he was just happy. And if you looked around, everyone else was just as cheerful. It was amazing. Mr Walt Disney, you are a hero.

Ocean Park was a little bit disappointing. Some areas like the aviary were closed for renovation. I was expecting the rides to be bloodcurdling… but at most they were old, toned down versions of the rides at Enchanted Kingdom. The aquariums were a bigger disappointment. The aquariums were way too crowded for all the animals inside and it was too small, I think the creatures are tired of going around in circles for years. If I were an animal rights activist, I’ll definitely want the place closed down. Which, btw, I think I’m slowly turning into one. First, I wasn’t exactly thrilled to see the dolphin show. I think the dolphins are being abused for human entertainment. They should be freed and returned to the ocean where they can swim and jump and play all they want. Not just the dolphins, every creature there should be free. I don’t see dolphins caging humans for their entertainment, right? I say, set them free. Let the dolphins play!

My battery is dying on me. I gotta charge.

NP: Give : Dishwalla

log book

Apartment
NP: Only Time Will Tell : The Black Crowes

Finally. Welcome to my not so new laptop. I bought this second hand laptop from my cousin (?) alex when we visited him and his family in HongKong. That trip was amazing. Although there were times when I was annoyed as hell, but I didn’t let a small, tiny pest ruin my holiday. I prepared for that trip for a long time.

I don’t know where to start! Okay… so let’s start with the trip. My brother and I flew to hongkong for a week-long holiday. My brother’s primary purpose for going there was to buy his camera equipment while I planned to buy an ipod (which I’m currently charging and listening to right now) and to see donald duck. Well, I got my 160 GB ipod Classic and then some. (more into the other stuff I got later.) I also got to see and hug Donald duck. It’s like a dream come true for me. Disneyland and Donald duck. Hehehe. I’m a bit floozy right now so I might as well get right to it.

Until I think of a more clever and amusing name for this journal, I’ll just call it “log book” for now.

When they say that HK is a shopper’s haven, they weren’t exaggerating. Not one bit. There were just too many stores to see, so many things to buy yet so little time and so little baggage capacity. Originally, when I look at my shopping list (which was ridiculously short), all I intended to buy were the ipod, a pair of nike shoes, a watch, and a bag. Pretty simple and short, right? I ended up buying an ipod, an ipod case, a pair of crocs, a pair of nike 180 trainers, a samsonite backpack, an American Tourister laptop bag, a nike sports duffel bag, 5 paintings, a kookai watch, a nike watch, a nike jacket, an agate bracelet,and a bunch of t-shirts from roxy, h&m and nike.

I was so happy. Shopping is such great therapy. Whether you’re nursing a broken heart, on the verge of unemployment or just plain sad and alone.

O, I forgot, I also got this laptop. All in all, I was happy with the trip. We went to Disneyland, went to ocean park and saw pandas, saw the big Buddha, went to the Peak, saw the harbor bay light show, went to the wax museum, went to macau, got lost in macau, lost it in macau. Hehehe.

One of the nicest parts of the trip was meeting alex and his family. They were all so nice and the kids are adorable. I already met nikki and lauraine and joy here in manila years ago, but I wasn’t really able to spend time with them.

It’s getting kinda late and I think I’ll stop this and start playing the sims. Haha.

NP: Dyer’s Eve : Metallica