i think i'm going to stick to this blog layout for now. the color scheme is oddly familiar... like my blog should have always been in these colors. i just need a little bit of blue here and there.
i hate the mall during christmas time. they look so happy and festive and has no regard whatsoever for people who don't celebrate christmas or are just plain lonely.
this is probably the first christmas where i have totally nothing to look forward to. last year was sad and quiet, but at least i hoped for something. this year, there's nothing.
Something dawned on me as I was on my way home this morning. i wasn't even thinking about it... it just came like a freaking bright idea. i think i know what i need... besides clarity. i wish for forgiveness. i'm not sure from whom or what... but i feel that that's what i need most... forgiveness.
the holiday season has the potential to be the loneliest and the happiest time of the year. it's that time when you're expected to be happy and to celebrate even when you feel otherwise which makes it the loneliest time of the year.
christmas used to be so happy. the lights, the lanterns, the puto bumbong, the hot choco, the little surprises when gifts are opened... it was that time when it's cold but full of warmth, and everything is beautiful and full of hope, and joy and love. always love.
NP: across the fields : 10,000 maniacs
"Take me along to the places you've gone when my eyes looked away.
Tell me the song that you sing in the trees in the dawning.
Tell me the part that shines in your heart
and the rays of love forever, please take me there..."
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2 comments:
I know the feelings so well....the last few Christmases have felt that way to me. After my grandmother went downhill, Christmas just didn't mean as much to me anymore. I still enjoy it with my family, but my grandmother WAS my Christmas. Now that she's gone, it's just a little empty and sad to me.
Hang in there...and oh yea, I love 10000 maniacs. :)
thanks. i hope you had a nice thanksgiving with your family.
i just got back from my trip... so long blog posts and pictures coming up!
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