one part lullaby

i was tired but had a lot in my mind last night, and i couldn’t sleep. so turned the tv back on and instead of watching dumb and dumberer (yes, i still have standards. ha.) i saw the teen choice awards… okay, so it wasn’t a big step up from dumb and dumberer, but it had it’s benefits. i wasn’t five minutes into the show when brandon routh introduced presenter tom welling. then welling presented an award (forgot what it was for) in which johnny depp won. of course, depp was in his usual sexy, weird self. just love him… oh, and the bonus was… i got to see a bloated britney spears introduce k-fed’s world debut. ha. talk about standards... anyway, it eventually led me back to the real reason i turned the tv on… i slept like a baby.

then in the middle of the night, my phone started to ring (forgot to turn it on silent mode, again!) it was an old friend. haven’t talked to him in a while. told him i was fine… no, wait, i was more than fine. in fact, i’m even excited. but kinda scared. he said i shouldn’t be the one who’s scared. the best thing about this, he said, was that i know that my love is still true. that my love is still pure. and that’s more than what a lot of people can say for themselves. he said X may find someone else, or maybe he’s already with someone else right now, but after what happened, how can he trust his love? how can he trust that this time, his love is true? that his love won’t just die out one day and he wouldn’t even care to fight for it? how can he trust his heart?

i did feel better after that… i was glad… because i realized that lately, i’ve been getting excited over the future... and maybe, just maybe, i’m ready now…

but i felt bad for X, sad because i know that what my friend said about X not being able to trust his own heart is true.