bad ass

which came first, music or the misery?
~ high fidelity

J is a bitch. he didn’t show up yesterday. i was so pissed off that his face was neatly plastered on the receiving end of my punches, instead of X, my regular mainstay. half the time, i don’t really understand what he says. i just pretend i do. i guess this was what he was trying to tell me last week, that he can’t make it monday afternoon. i just didn’t get it. or as usual, i wasn’t paying much attention.

don’t think i’ve ever hit anything that hard before. J is a bitch, in the only way guys can be bitches. he better be there tomorrow or there’ll be hell to pay.

know what makes me feel awfully depressed that it feels good? layne staley. that man’s voice just does it for me. my only friend during bleak times. when i’m downtrodden and lonely, he pulls me further down. and man it feels… good. listening to him is the only good thing that comes from all this loneliness.

hey, hey. before i start going all mushy again and forget… i have decided that i am going back to being bad ass.

no more wearing my heart on my sleeve. no more warmth. no more compassion. no more patience. i’m toughing this out. i’ll be ruthless. i’ll be cold as hell.

i can totally do this.